Next Meeting: Thursday, 30 April, at 6:30 p.m.
at the Tustin Marketplace Corner Bakery (13652 Jamboree Road, Irvine)
27 OCT. MEETING NOTES; 3 NOV. READING LIST (amended)
This entry corrects the 3 November reading list in my last posting. Sorry for the confusion! ~MS
27 OCTOBER MEETING NOTES
Nine people, a full docket of readings: Burt, Casey, Dena (read Chapter 1, THE NOVEL PLAN), Glenda, Jo, Maddie, Rosie (read Chapter 10, ON THIN ICE), Jonathan (read Chapters 15-16, BUMMIN’ IT), Melodye.
News & Notes
Need some NaNo inspiration? Here’s a ditty from Humpty Dumpty, via Jo:
“In autumn, when the leaves are brown / Take pen and ink, and write it down.” (Humpty Dumpty, in Through the Looking Glass)
On 3 November, we’ll determine the date for our annual holiday party. Check your availability against these dates: December 15, 28, or 29.
Our final meeting of 2011 is 8 December, after which we take our annual holiday hiatus. We resume our weekly schedule on 5 January.
How do you critique a critique group? Murderati takes a stab at the question, here (via Lance):
http://www.murderati.com/blog/2011/10/21/so-what-about-critique-groups.html
3 NOVEMBER READING LIST
Please review this list for accuracy. If you discover any mistakes or omissions, please let us know in advance of the meeting.
Glenda (10/27)
Stace (10/20)
Melodye (10/27)
JoAnne (10/20)
Jo (10/27)
Shari (10/20)
Maddie (10/27)
Burt (10/27)
Casey (10/27)
Lance (10/27)
Julia (9/22)
Rosie (10/27)
Jonathan (10/27)
Dena (10/27)
20 Oct meeting notes; 27 Oct reading list
20 OCTOBER MEETING NOTES
Lots of people, not so many readings: Burt, Casey, Dena, Glenda, Jo, JoAnne, Lance (read two chapters from Identity), Maddie, Melodye, Rosie, Shari and Stace.
Following the reading, the group engaged in a lengthy discussion about other activities we could engage in during meetings (such as craft-related readings or discussions of current projects).
News & Notes
During the 27 October meeting, Burt will propose some possible dates for the annual PFL holiday party. Be sure to bring your calendars so you can vote on the date.
Rosie (a South OC leader for NaNoWriMo) says it’s still not too late to sign up for NaNoWriMo on their newly-revamped website. If you’re interested in finding out more about NaNoWriMo, check the website or talk to Rosie.
Maddie says that Samuel Johnson said, “A novel is a long work of prose with something wrong with it.”
27 OCTOBER READING LIST
Please review this list for accuracy. If you discover any mistakes or omissions, please let us know in advance of the meeting.
Glenda (10/20)
Stace (10/20)
Melodye (10/20)
JoAnne (10/20)
Jo (10/20)
Shari (10/20)
Maddie (10/20)
Rosie (10/20)
Burt (10/20)
Casey (10/20)
Jonathan (10/13)
Dena (10/20)
Lance (10/20)
Julia (9/22)
13 Oct meeting notes; 20 Oct reading list
13 OCTOBER MEETING NOTES
Back into double digits with ten people attending: Burt (read the first chapter of his new project The Last Season), Casey (read a chapter from Francine Stein), Dena (now officially on our list), Glenda, Jonathan (read a chapter from Bummin’ It), Lance, Maddie, Melodye, Rosie and Stace.
News & Notes
Burt handed out a copy of the October 2011 Writer’s Digest annual hot list of agents.
Rosie (a South OC leader for NaNoWriMo) says the NaNoWriMo website has been retooled with more capacity and functionality. If you’re interested in finding out more about NaNoWriMo, check the website or talk to Rosie.
Dear Bully was featured in the 3 October issue of People magazine as a Top Pick for Kids and Teens. Also, CNN American Morning tapped co-contributor Janni Lee Simner to talk about her bullying experience (and Dear Bully) on 10 October.
20 OCTOBER READING LIST
Please review this list for accuracy. If you discover any mistakes or omissions, please let us know in advance of the meeting.
Glenda (10/13)
Stace (10/13)
Melodye (10/13)
JoAnne (9/29)
Lance (10/13)
Jo (10/6)
Shari (10/6)
Maddie (10/13)
Rosie (10/13)
Burt (10/13)
Casey (10/13)
Jonathan (10/13)
Julia (9/22)
Dena (10/13)
6 Oct meeting notes; 13 Oct reading list
6 OCTOBER MEETING NOTES
A compact seven people attended: Burt, Jo (read the reworked first chapter of Moonspell), Jonathan, Lance, Maddie (read a chapter from Hit Me), Rosie (read a reworked chapter from On Thin Ice) and Shari (read two chapters from Lost in Dance).
News & Notes
The OC branch of the California Writer’s Club will celebrate California Writers’ Week on 15 October with a free meeting at the Orange Public Library and History Center. Martin Smith, editor-in-chief of Orange Coast Magazine and writer of both fiction and non-fiction, will be the guest speaker. Details are available on the CWC Orange County website.
13 OCTOBER READING LIST
Please review this list for accuracy. If you discover any mistakes or omissions, please let us know in advance of the meeting.
Glenda (9/29)
Stace (9/29)
Julia (9/22)
Burt (10/6)
Melodye (9/8)
Casey (9/29)
Jonathan (10/6)
JoAnne (9/29)
Lance (10/6)
Jo (10/6)
Shari (10/6)
Maddie (10/6)
Rosie (10/6)
29 Sep meeting notes; 6 Oct reading list
29 SEPTEMBER MEETING NOTES
Ten people attended: Burt, Casey, Glenda, Jo, JoAnne (read Part 2 of her novella A Figment), Lance (read two chapters from Identity), Maddie, Shari, Stace and potential newcomer Dena.
News & Notes
Glenda passes on information about an unusual writing contest by Esquire magazine: write a short story with exactly 78 words by 7 October. Finalists win round-trip airfare to New York City, lodging and a writing workshop courtesy of the Aspen Writers’ Foundation. Rules are available on the Esquire website.
6 OCTOBER READING LIST
Please review this list for accuracy. If you discover any mistakes or omissions, please let us know in advance of the meeting.
Glenda (9/29)
Stace (9/29)
Julia (9/22)
Jo (9/29)
Burt (9/29)
Melodye (9/8)
Shari (9/29)
Maddie (9/29)
Rosie (9/22)
Casey (9/29)
Jonathan (9/22)
JoAnne (9/29)
Lance (9/29)
22 Sep meeting notes; 29 Sep reading list
22 SEPTEMBER MEETING NOTES
Nine people again: Burt, Casey (read a chapter from Francine Stein), JoAnne, Jonathan (read a revised chapter from Bummin’ It), Julia, Lance (read a revised chapter from Identity), Maddie, Rosie and Stace.
News & Notes
Glenda passes on information about the Scribbler’s Retreat Writer’s Conference 10-12 Nov 2011 on St. Simon’s Island, Georgia. Thriller writer Jamie Freveletti will be a featured speaker. Registration is $395. For more information, visit the conference website.
29 SEPTEMBER READING LIST
Please review this list for accuracy. If you discover any mistakes or omissions, please let us know in advance of the meeting.
Glenda (9/1)
Stace (9/22)
JoAnne (9/22)
Julia (9/22)
Jo (9/15)
Burt (9/22)
Melodye (9/8)
Shari (9/8)
Maddie (9/22)
Rosie (9/22)
Casey (9/22)
Lance (9/22)
Jonathan (9/22)
15 Sep meeting notes; 22 Sep reading list
15 SEPTEMBER MEETING NOTES
Nine people attended: Burt, Casey, Jo, Jonathan (read a revised chapter from Bummin’ It), Julia, Lance, Maddie (read two queries and a synopsis for Hit Me), Rosie (read a revised chapter from On Thin Ice) and Stace.
News & Notes
Check the Events page for upcoming book signings for DEAR BULLY: 70 Authors Tell Their Stories (6 Sep 2011, HarperTeen). NPR recently featured Dear Bully on the 7 Sep edition of Talk of the Nation. Several SoCal authors are featured in DEAR BULLY, including PFL’s Melodye Shore. You can read the reviews and learn more about the anthology at http://dearbully.com/.
22 SEPTEMBER READING LIST
Please review this list for accuracy. If you discover any mistakes or omissions, please let us know in advance of the meeting.
Glenda (9/1)
Stace (9/15)
JoAnne (9/8)
Julia (9/15)
Jo (9/15)
Burt (9/15)
Casey (9/15)
Melodye (9/8)
Lance (9/15)
Shari (9/8)
Maddie (9/15)
Jonathan (9/15)
Rosie (9/15)
8 Sep meeting notes; 15 Sep reading list
8 SEPTEMBER MEETING NOTES
Eight people attended: Burt, Casey, Jo, JoAnne, Lance (read a chapter from Identity), Melodye (read her published essay “Luz” from Dear Bully), Shari (read a chapter from Lost in Dance) and Stace.
News & Notes
Check the Events page for upcoming book signings for DEAR BULLY: 70 Authors Tell Their Stories (6 Sep 2011, HarperTeen). NPR recently featured Dear Bully on the 7 Sep edition of Talk of the Nation. Several SoCal authors are featured in DEAR BULLY, including PFL’s Melodye Shore. You can read the reviews and/or learn more about the anthology at http://dearbully.com/.
15 SEPTEMBER READING LIST
Please review this list for accuracy. If you discover any mistakes or omissions, please let us know in advance of the meeting.
Glenda (9/1)
Stace (9/8)
JoAnne (9/8)
Julia (8/25)
Maddie (9/1)
Jo (9/8)
Jonathan (8/25)
Burt (9/8)
Casey (9/8)
Rosie (9/1)
Melodye (9/8)
Lance (9/8)
Shari (9/8)
1 Sep meeting notes; 8 Sep reading list
1 SEPTEMBER MEETING NOTES
Ten people attended: Burt (read three possible query letters for Madness of March), Casey (read two chapters of Francine Stein), Glenda, JoAnne, Lance, Maddie, Melodye, Rosie (read two chapters of On Thin Ice), Shari and Stace.
News & Notes
DEAR BULLY: 70 Authors Tell Their Stories (6 Sep 2011, HarperTeen), has been nominated for the 2012 Rainbow Book Awards by the American Library Association GBLT Round Table. Several SoCal authors are featured in DEAR BULLY, including PFL’s Melodye Shore. You can read the reviews and/or learn more about the anthology at http://dearbully.com/.
8 SEPTEMBER READING LIST
Please review this list for accuracy. If you discover any mistakes or omissions, please let us know in advance of the meeting.
Glenda (9/1)
Stace (9/1)
JoAnne (9/1)
Julia (8/25)
Melodye (9/1)
Maddie (9/1)
Jo (8/18)
Lance (9/1)
Shari (9/1)
Jonathan (8/25)
Burt (9/1)
Casey (9/1)
Rosie (9/1)
25 Aug meeting notes; 1 Sep reading list
25 AUGUST MEETING NOTES
Eleven people attended: Burt, Casey, Glenda, JoAnne, Jonathan (read a chapter from Bummin’ It), Julia, Lance (read three chapters of Identity), Maddie, Rosie, Shari (read two chapters of Lost in Dance) and Stace.
News & Notes
1) The Southern California Writers’ Conference is scheduled for 23-25 September at the Hyatt Regency Newport Beach. Registration is $395.
2) DEAR BULLY: 70 Authors Tell Their Stories (6 Sept., 2011, HarperTeen), is receiving many favorable reviews — including a mention in the 29 August USA Today. You can read the reviews and/or learn more about the anthology at this link: http://dearbully.com/
Several SoCal authors are featured in DEAR BULLY, including PFL’s Melodye Shore. These book-signing events are scheduled:
- Sunday, October 23 at 2:00 pm (time change) at B&N Santa Monica (3rd St. Promenade)
- Wednesday, November 9 at 6:00 pm at Vroman’s in Pasadena
- OC- and San Diego-area events TBA
1 SEPTEMBER READING LIST
Please review this list for accuracy. If you discover any mistakes or omissions, please let us know in advance of the meeting.
Glenda (8/25)
Burt (8/25)
Stace (8/25)
JoAnne (8/25)
Julia (8/25)
Melodye (8/18)
Marianna (8/4)
Maddie (8/25)
Casey (8/25)
Rosie (8/25)
Jo (8/18)
Lance (8/25)
Shari (8/25)
Jonathan (8/25)
18 August Meeting Notes; 24 August Reading List
18 AUGUST MEETING NOTES
Ten people attended: Glenda, Burt, Rosie (read Chapter 8, On Thin Ice), Jo (read Ch. 1, Moonspell), JoAnne, Melodye, Casey, Jonathan (read Ch. 13, Bummin’ It), Maddie, and Shari.
News & Notes
1) Jonathan recommended a useful writing blog, 4Kidlit, and this link, especially:
http://childrenspublishing.blogspot.com/2010/06/deciding-when-to-show-and-when-to-tell.html
2) Another writing contest, suggested by Glenda:
http://www.bartlebysnopes.com/contests.htm
3) DEAR BULLY: 70 Authors Tell Their Stories (6 Sept., 2011, HarperTeen), is receiving many favorable reviews — including this past Sunday’s issue of the New York Times! You can read the reviews and/or learn more about the anthology at this link: http://dearbully.com/
Several SoCal authors are featured in DEAR BULLY, including PFL’s Melodye Shore. These book-signing events are scheduled; more to follow:
- Sunday, October 23 at 4:00 pm at B&N Santa Monica (3rd St. Promenade)
- Wednesday, November 9 at 6:00 pm at Vroman’s in Pasadena
- OC- and San Diego-area events TBA
4) Reminder: as a result of our 4 Aug discussion, we’ll try an experiment. If only one or two members bring work on a particular night, the first to read will have the option of reading a second time. The following limits apply:
(1) There must be enough time remaining in our normal session.
(2) The member has copies of both readings.
(3) Members will critique each reading seperately in a normal session following the reading.
(4) No member will read a second time in an evening if any other member who has brought material hasn’t yet read a first time.
We’ll try this for a while and see if it works. If so, we can incorporate the practice into our rules. If not, so be it.
23 AUGUST READING LIST
Please review this list for accuracy. If you discover any mistakes or omissions, please let us know in advance of the meeting.
Glenda (8/18)
Burt (8/18)
Stace (8/11)
JoAnne (8/18)
Julia (8/11)
Melodye (8/18)
Lance (8/11)
Marianna (8/4)
Maddie (8/18)
Shari (8/18)
Casey (8/18)
Rosie (8/18)
Jonathan (8/11)
Jo (8/18)
11 August meeting notes; 18 August reading list
11 AUGUST MEETING NOTES
Thirteen (!) people attended: Burt, Casey (read 1.5 chapters of Francine Stein), Glenda, Jo (official now), JoAnne, Jonathan, Julia, Lance, Maddie (read two chapters of Hit Me), Melodye, Rosie, Shari (read two chapters of Lost in Dance) and Stace.
News & Notes
Reminder: as a result of our 4 Aug discussion, we’ll try an experiment. If only one or two members bring work on a particular night, the first to read will have the option of reading a second time. The following limits apply:
(1) There must be enough time remaining in our normal session.
(2) The member has copies of both readings.
(3) Members will critique each reading seperately in a normal session following the reading.
(4) No member will read a second time in an evening if any other member who has brought material hasn’t yet read a first time.
We’ll try this for a while and see if it works. If so, we can incorporate the practice into our rules. If not, so be it.
18 AUGUST READING LIST
Please review this list for accuracy. If you discover any mistakes or omissions, please let us know in advance of the meeting.
Glenda (8/11)
Burt (8/11)
Stace (8/11)
Rosie (8/11)
JoAnne (8/11)
Julia (8/11)
Melodye (8/11)
Lance (8/11)
Jonathan (8/11)
Marianna (8/4)
Maddie (8/11)
Shari (8/11)
Casey (8/11)
Jo (8/11)
4 August meeting notes; 11 August reading list
4 AUGUST MEETING NOTES
Eleven people attended: Burt, Casey, JoAnne, Jonathan (read a chapter from Bummin’ It), Julia, Lance (read four chapters from Identity), Maddie, Marianna, Melodye (read a chapter from Can I Get a Witness?), Shari and Stace.
News & Notes
We returned to the question of whether one person is allowed to read twice in the same night. There’s nothing in PFL’s rules that prohibits it, but until recently, the question has been moot because enough members brought work that there was no call for someone to read twice. No more; we now regularly face situations where only one or two members bring work to share.
As a result of the discussion, we’ll try an experiment. If only one or two members bring work on a particular night, the first to read will have the option of reading a second time. The following limits apply:
(1) There must be enough time remaining in our normal session.
(2) The member has copies of both readings.
(3) Members will critique each reading seperately in a normal session following the reading.
(4) No member will read a second time in an evening if any other member who has brought material hasn’t yet read a first time.
We’ll try this for a while and see if it works. If so, we can incorporate the practice into our rules. If not, so be it.
11 AUGUST READING LIST
Please review this list for accuracy. If you discover any mistakes or omissions, please let us know in advance of the meeting.
Glenda (7/28)
Maddie (8/4)
Burt (8/4)
Stace (8/4)
Rosie (7/21)
JoAnne (8/4)
Shari (8/4)
Casey (8/4)
Julia (8/4)
Melodye (8/4)
Lance (8/4)
Jonathan (8/4)
Marianna (8/4)
HIGH ACTION SCENE from LITTLE BROTHER by Cory Doctorow
I love this book. Such great writing. Addicting and engaging characters. And as ambitious a storyline I’ve read in a long time. It’s all the best parts of Orwell’s 1984 with brilliant teenagers being daring enough to try to take down Big Brother. Frickin rad!
So I decided to study it a bit to see what I could learn from the writing. I can’t post the original selection from the novel, but here’s my breakdown. Let me know if you get any epiphanes.
____________________________________________________________
From p.320-321 in Cory Doctorow’s LITTLE BROTHER — end of chapter 19
____________________________________________________________
WORDCOUNT FOR SELECTION = 486
VERB ANALYSIS
32 STRONG VERBS = teased, snuffled, twitched, shot out, grinding, gasped, grabbed punching, grind, shatter, swallowed, crushing, banging, shattered, yelped, spasmed, snatched, shove, walled in, grunt, slithering, clanging, thump, scrambled, dragged, slamming, screamed, padlocked, delete, poised, slap, shove, dove
43 WEAK“er” VERBS = WAS—5x, HAD—7x, turned, reached, knew, made, stopping, stared, staring, taking, bit, crying, continued, didn’t say, felt, showed, moved, asked, look, find, moved, brought it down, hit, went, still moving, reaching, moved, heading, felt, fell down, heard, must have caught, didn’t
20 “ING” VERBS
4 FIGURATIVE LANGUAGE = fast as a snake, like it would shatter, like a gong, like Pharoah in a tomb
SENTENCE STRUCTURE
2 SIMPLE SENTENCES
2 SIMPLE W/ COMPOUND VERB
5 COMPOUND SENTENCES W/ COMMA
3 COMPOUND SENTENCE W/O COMMA
5 COMPLEX SENTENCES
2 COMPOUND COMPLEX SENTENCES
12 PARTICIPLE PHRASES (“ing” or “ed”)
3 DIALOGUE
SURPRISES for me:
How many “ing” participle phrases he uses. I’ve heard many people say that “comma + ing particple” slows down your action scenes, that you should use more hard “ed” verbs and simple sentences. But Mr. Doctorow proves otherwise.
The sentence structure. In action scenes, “shorten the sentence length.” “Make it feel faster with short punchy lines.” That’s what I’ve heard anyway. Yet when I look at his structure, he’s got only 4 Simple sentences. 8 Compound, 5 Complex, and a whopping 12 Comma/Participle phrases (sometimes even back to back).
Also a bit shocking was the number of what people would call “weak” verbs. “Make your verbs stronger.” “I’ve highlighted all your ING and WASes. They slow the action and pull me out of it.” Doctorow’s strong verbs are definitely strong, but very few are scouring the barrel of unique action verbs. Which is pretty befuddling because the voice in this novel is SO unique and fresh. But that voice isn’t coming during this particular action scene. He used “move” 4x, “felt” a couple of times, “stare” 2x, and “went / find / turn / look / made / continue.”
Of course, rules are made so that the masters can break them. But on the pre-publication side of the curtain, I wonder how many rules are made up by pre-pubbers, who are still figuring out the ropes themselves. Like me.
28 July meeting notes; 4 August reading list
28 JULY MEETING NOTES
Eight people attended: Glenda, Melodye, Burt, Jonathan (read 1-1/2 chapters of BUMMIN’ IT), Stace, Casey, Julia, and Jo (1st-time newcomer).
News & Notes
The question was raised: Is one person allowed to read twice in the same night?
… assuming…
(1) there’s enough time remaining,
(2) he/she is next on the list after being moved to the bottom for the 1st reading, and
(3) he/she has copies of both batches.
This issue would arise on the rare nights when only 1 or 2 people bring material, but could potentially allow us to critique more manuscripts. The group informally decided “no” for the night but further discussion might be warranted.
4 AUGUST READING LIST
Please review this list for accuracy. If you discover any mistakes or omissions, please let us know in advance of the meeting.
Glenda (7/28)
Melodye (7/28)
Maddie (7/21)
Burt (7/28)
Stace (7/28)
Rosie (7/21)
Lance (7/21)
JoAnne (7/21)
Shari (7/21)
Casey (7/28)
Julia (7/28)
Jonathan (7/28)
Pure Fiction League 